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Author,
psychologist, commentator, film
consultant and actor, Bent
Petersen and colleague psychologist Jette Bach, have produced this
great little book "Toddlers,
Love and The
Human Sex
Drive"
- published
here with the authors´ permission
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An
Historical Document from Denmark 1971:
Psychologists Bent
Petersen´s and Jette Bach´s
Toddlers,
Love and the Human Sex Drive
-
"a Danish Public Library book from the 1970´ies, that
clearly demonstrates and documents historically, what kind of
books one could borrow, read and see in those more relaxed and
freedom loving times than one finds in present day restrictions on
freedom of speech and on freedom of expression in general",
Troels Peter Schmidt, translator:
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For
the front page of the Danish
original
pdf. file portrait and text from the archive
1971
- click here
Danish
Original Title:
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"SMÅBØRN,
KÆRLIGHED OG SEXDRIFT"
-
af Jette og Bent
- psykologerne
cand.psych. Jette Bach og cand.psych. Bent Petersen
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Back
Cover English
translation:
Right from the beginning of nursery life
also children are endowed with the human sex drive, expressing
itself right through childhood, in various ways according to the
child´s age.
This book is about children from birth to
school age - and adresses all parents who will try to give their
children a reasonable relationship to sex and emotions.
We
hope that the photos and words in this book can give parents some
ideas about how they can help their children on to the path that
is right for the individual child.
One thing is very
important: Children can never receive too much love or be
caressed too often!
Jette and Bent
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Back
Cover Danish original text from the archive 1971:
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For
the
front page of the Danish original pdf. file
portrait & text
- click here
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English
title translation: Toddlers,
Love and the Human Sex Drive,
English translation by Troels Peter Schmidt,
Anti-Pedagogue - Free Educationist
B.S., with authors Bent Petersen´s
and Jette Bach´s permission.
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For
page
3 Danish
original text - click here |
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English
translation: Jette and Bent, Toddlers,
Love and the Human Sex Drive, with
photos by Liesel Kolb. Chr. Erichsen´s Publisher
English translation: ©
Chr. Erichsen´s Publisher 1971
Print: Mandator, First
edition November 1971,
ISBN 87 555 0110 9
Aproximate translation from the
Danish, needing your help to find the original English
A.
S. NEILL quotation:
"Sexuality gives us humans the
highest pleasure in life. The unity of sexuality and love is the
highest form of
ecstacy for both giving and receiving."
A.
S. NEILL
- founder of the Summerhill School - click here
translation by
- troelspeter.schmidtATgmail.com
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For
page
4 Danish
original text - click here
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For
page
5 Danish original text
- click here
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5 English translation - Help me find the
original
A.S. Neill text - here is the Danish
translation - click here |
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For
page 6
- pdf. file click hereb
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Page 6:
jpg. portrait above:
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For
page
7-
Danish original
pdf. file text
- click here
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Page 7: English
translation: This book is not a scientific dissertation, but
rather our views on which mistakes affecting children that take
place during childhood with respect to natural human sexuality.
In our day and age, where everyone wants to see their children
become as harmonious as possible, we believe that it is of
great importance, that also children get wise, loving and
sensible guidance. Exactly now, with the legalization of
pornography [Ed. 1969 in Denmark], in which some people
unfortunately don´t perceive pornography to be the fantasy
tales and images they virtually are, but who directly transfer to
their own sex lives as being reality. A reality that no one cand
match, that will only result in frustration, if one attempts to
do so. We don´t believe that pornography is harmful; one
should just take it for what it is, namely fantasy. It dosn´t
harm children to see pornography, they should just learn to read
and se pornography (at least the pornogrphy that is in the market
today [Ed. Denmark 1971.]) as analogous to Grimm's funny and
exaggerated stories.
There is no doubt, that
many parents would like to change their own rather akward
attitude towards child sexuality, så that this isn´t
passed on to their own kids, but because they themselves often
are inhibited and shy and have their own sexual problems to deal
with, making it difficult to display a natural attitude towards
their children.
Too many people postpone their own kids
informed sexual awareness with the excuse, that kids don´t
become sexually aware prior to puberty, or that this is something
that school must take charge of in the form of sex education. On
the contrary, we don´t believe that one should
[For
continuation see: Page 8]
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8 Danish original
pdf.
text
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here
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8:
English
translation:
postpone or relegate this
task solely to kids of school age, in that the foundation for a
harmonious sex life should already be formed at nursery age - by
the parents.
We humans are not born heterosexuals, bisexuals
or homsexuals, but as sexual individuals with a sex drive, that
neither suppresses by means of prohibition nor punishment.
Our
sex drive developes slowly step by step, and under favorable
growth conditions will result in adults with a harmonious sex
life. By favorable conditions we mean that first and foremost
parents must recognize that children have an instinctual urge.
The sexual instinct is already visible at nursery age.
Most women breast feed their children, at least the first three
to four months. Although it is the children's sex lives we wish
to deal with at this point we will, however, mention that many
women get sexual pleasure sensation while breast feeding. This is
quite normal and therefore only something to enjoy, not as has
been the case as something to be ashamed of, that such a little
and innocent creation could induce sexual feelings by sucking. A
woman's nipple is, under different circumstances, sensitive to
touch by the mouth, for example, during sexual foreplay. Since a
nipple can not see which mouth embraces it, then of course it can
not fail to react, just because [For text continuation see page 10
below:]
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10 English
translation:
it is a child breastfeeding. During breastfeeding
one can, depending on the circumstances, choose to be dressed or
undressed during lactation. If the weather is favorable, then we
believe that, one can just as well sit outside in the sun without
clothes on, if the baby is sufficiently potected from the sun
rays fully protecting the childs skin. Direct contact - skin to
skin - is equally enjoyed by both mother and child.
In one
picture, the mother has chosen to sit with the child dressed due
to low temperature, and herself being topless. Cot children have
a harder time maintaining body temperature, so one must of course
take into account the temperature on the spot where breast
feeding takes place. The second picture shows the child with a
short sleaved jacket, so that it can be protected from the sun.
Thus, one can, in a natural and relaxed way be naked with the
newborn.
[For continuation see page 11 below:]
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11 pdf. portrait and Danish original text
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11 English
translation:
The very best evidence demonstrating an innate
sexual drive in young children is the boy´s spontaneous
penis tending towards erection, ie. without any direct touching of
genitals or other erogenous zones on the body.
In all
age groups of children it is easiest to see the boys sex drive,
since erection always betrays the drive, but if one is attentive
to the girls' sex drive, then one will see that they respond to
various forms of direct and indirect contact, eg. making sitting and rocking movements in bed, causing their diaper or
pants to rub against their genitals, or they play directly with
their sexual organs once they discover them. [For continuation
see: Page 12]
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12 pdf. Danish
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Portrait & English
translation:
Bathing can also be practiced together, either with
father or mother in an adult bathtub, even if you just go to the
bathroom before you include the child, so as to avoid unhygienic
bathing with very young children. In practical terms, the adult
has a much better opportunity to safely hold the baby and play
with it when both [For continuation see: Page 13]
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13 pdf. Danish
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13 Portrait and text: English
translation:
lie or sit in the water compared to standing more or
less awkward when you use a baby bath. In the bathtub with an
adult the child can both sit and lie on the adult's legs and lap,
and here again we have the natural contact with the naked body
that is so important for the child to get at as early as
possible. [For continuation see page 14 below:]
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14 pdf. DanishPPo
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14 Portrait: English translation:
When after bathing and puttering infants, among
other things, tickling them, snorting them on the stomach or play
biting the child's behind, one can see how much they rejoice and
enjoy it. If one tickles their thighs, just above the genitals or
directly on these, one may discover that this also delights them.
As for boys, they can, by being tickled around the genitals and
thighs, [For continuation see: Page 15]
Page
15 jpg. portrait:
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15 pdf. Danishafter
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15 English translation: get an
erection as early as eight days after birth. There are peoples
who, already from a tender childhood age, rub the genitals of
both boys and girls to get them to fall asleep [Ed. Also a long
standing mother-child
Italian tradition - "Little Girls: Social Conditioning and Its Effects on the Stereotyped Role of Women During Infancy",
1975, by Elena Gianini Belotti]. Namely children enjoy touch so
much that they lie completely still, and if this is just before
sleeping hours, it can indeed be a relaxing way to be lulled
sleep.
Boys´ erection can be caused by having a full
bladder, as well as by direct excitation. It is an established
fact (in U.S. studies) that the sexual climax or orgasm can be
elicited in very young children of both sexes. Kinsey describes
that male children of less than one year react to touching the
genitals by making jerky movements with the pelvic floor muscles,
and if stimulation is continued, the child's movements become
faster and culminate in a general convulsion, that is
completely reminiscent of convulsions, characteristic for
most adults´ sexual climax. [For continuation see page 16
below:]
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16 pdf. Danish original
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16 English translation:
All adults can tolerate a baby
examining ones nose, eyes, mouth and ears, but the moment when
the baby touches a breast, stomach, thigh or knee, mechanisms of
the taboo take hold of adults who prevent the child from
further exploration. But the child doesn't care what the body
part is called, while the adults´ attitude to taboo areas
turns these areas into areas of shame, even at this stage of the
child's life.
Children don´t have to be
very old before they understand that their behavior is
undesirable, but this doesn't necessarily mean that the child has
lost interest in the undesireable behavior, but only that the
child in future will try to hide the unwanted behavior, and if
caught red handed, causing feelings of guilt that can last a
lifetime.
If parents in each new
situation would simply reflect on their rejection of the child´s
behaviour, as to why they don´t allow infants to explore
the whole body, we believe that most will agree with us, that
many misconceptions can be dispelled. If only parents would try
to recall forbidden behaviour from heir own childhood and then to
overcome such misunderstandings. If, in this way, one can help
ones own children acquire a natural approach to nudity, and later
body awareness, we believe it will be easier to be open and
honest when that age sets in, where kids start asking about the
body's various functions, genitalia included. We also believe
that in addition to giving children a natural relationship to
these things we can also help parents get out of the [For
continuation see: Page 18]
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18 pdf. text
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18 English
translation:
vicious cirkel, they themselves
might have been forced into, and thus there must be so much more
reason to think carefully about the restrictions, they would lead
to.
Regardless of gender, children are keen to explore the
adult. the entire adult body that has the new world citizen's
interest and it is really not surprising, since everything is new
and exciting. It's only a matter of who knows every fold of skin
and every lab - and what was it that was under the belly? The
skin stops and there is suddenly something curly, which feels
different than the skin above, it would almost be strange if not
it should be examined a little more closely.
Or think of the emotional
sensations in such a small finger when it slides over the smooth
skin of a breast, and a nipple suddenly protrudes; that simply
must be examined by pressing again and again. Fingers and mouth
are best to investigate anything new, so why not accept it when
the todler will explore the adult's body? And in such a way raise
a child´s body awareness.
For a child an adult is like a
landscape that must be explored. All adults can tolerate a baby
that examines nose, eyes, mouth and ears. The adult is proud of
the child that soon after a nursury rhyme: "eye, nose,
mouth, lip, ear flip, tickle, tackle, tow," can identify
these parts either of the adult or the child itself. But as soon
as we´re dealing with breasts or genitals, [For continuation
see:
Page 20]
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19 Portrait:
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English
translation page 20: Page
20 Portrait:
[page 20 continues from page 18] the parents taboos begin to come
into play, and in most cases the child is hindered in its
investigation by directing the child´s attention on other
things. This is due to the parents' own lack of body awareness.
Nude contact and unhindered investigation of
both the father´s [For continuation see pge 21 below:]
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21 pdf. portrait & text
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Portrait & English
translation: ... page 21:
and the
mother´s body contribute to, the children as adults,
ability to accomodate an erotic relationship. If one raises
one´s children to view genitals as dirty and something one
preferably shouldn´t touch, and inculcating in them a
masturbation ban on naughty words while slapping their small
hands, one is sure to give these children a lot of sexual
problems on their way toward adulthood. Problems that now
and then may make it impossible for them, as adults, to attach
themselves to a partner.
We believe that body contact, along
with sensible sex education, will make our children more gentle
and sensitive lovers and mistresses. The conditions of inadequate
sexual performance that exists in this country, are precisely due
to those taboo ideas, frustrations and sexual oppression, that
the current generation of parents has tenaciously transferred
onto today´s children from their own childhood.
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22 Danish pdf. text
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English
translation: Page 22 ...
Children´s
examination of both their own and of other children's genitals
starts quite early. These two are not yet 1 year old, and yet
they are both very interested in each other's and their own
genitals. It is not uncommon for parents in these situations to
start to slap the small fingers of the children accompanied by
outbursts like yuck-yuck. Here we must once again point out that
children only examine these body parts as they examine all
other new discoveries, and that it would be more unnatural if a
child were to navigate precisely around these particular parts of
the body.
The child´s environment plays a major role
with respect to bans, taboos and prohibitions during child
rearing. The circle of acquaintances, the family and
acquaintances´ attitude towards what one does, or
perhaps mostly towards what one doesn´t do, can make it
difficult for parents, in cases where they themselves have a
sligtly more progressive approach to child rearing. When a family
member visits a home with an infant, then there is usually no
limit to adult enthusiasm over the child´s new awareness of
its own hands and feet. Excitement over the child´s
discoveries makes us forget to drink coffee and eat cakes.
Whereas
most of the older family members would rather burn themselves on
the hot coffee rather than see what the child is doing with
its fingers, if it has anything to do with genitals.
Similarly, most will not be able to resist ten small, adorable
chubby fingers, investigating a face, even roughly, because isn´t
it lovely how resourceful the child is. But if what we are seeing
are those small fingers crawling beneath a blouse to discover
what is hidden here, many are inclined to hand the little
investigator back to the parents [continues on page 25].
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text - Page
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English
translation: Page 25:
In
addition to family
and friends there may be
institutions to take into consideration, right from the
child's second or third month after it has seen the light
of day. Even today, many creches very
outdated in their world outlook. The
watchword here is peace, cleanliness
and order. This is a
reference to the fledgling who gets bottle feeding
every
three or four hours, depending on
age. After a meal their
diapers are changed, and sometimes they sleep. Activity is not based on
the child's
age,
but only on
a time schedule. Eg. you
begin to teach the todlers cleanliness around 6 months of age, which
takes place as follows: they
are put on
a stoole at specific
times and tied to the bed post with a diaper. It could be appropriate object that this
is
probably due to staff shortages, and this may be true, but we know that other
practices are applicable in a handful of nurseries in Copenhagen.
At this stage of the
child's life, it is not possible
for parents to explain to the
child that father and mother believe one thing, while the nursery
staff believes
something else relating to potential problems raising kids: but as parents one should
try to change things, if necessary, by
explaining one´s own principles. We know it is difficult, as there are too
few nurseries, and many will be afraid to lose
their child´s enrollment in the nursery, by coming
into conflicht with the staff, but here the
same principles apply as
in other
fields - no
one
achieves anything if no one says anything about it. A group of parents
who agree on the
principles up on which
they want the children to be treated in the nursery, should
exert their influence.
In this book we have
images taken from a
nursery where students have enrolled their children. And in
this institution both management and staff
are open to giving
the children a
framework with as
many oulets for their energy as possible, even taking individual differences
into account. There
is no stool coercion.
When |
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English
translation:
the
children are tired,
they are subject to a nap, without any scheduled
timetable. Thus,
there is no outrage about where
or how often
the
children examine themselves and other same age kids.
One must keep
in mind that physical beatings or moral outbreaks
expressing disgust like
"oh no" or ", ik", against children's
inherantly natural expressions, can impart feelings of guilt
so strong as to impair a positive link to the genitals
at puberty. Therefore, one
must at the earliest
possible
stage seek to avert untoward environmental influences. Impacts later in life can lead to serious sexual
problems.
When children
reach 2-3 years of age,
it is exciting for
them to see what lands in the toilet
bowl. Now they´re no longer fiddling around the pot or toilet
to examine what´s
floating down there, but would
like to find out where it
comes from. Therefore they look around while peeing or
pooping,
and is it all the while possible to
have someone to talk to, then that is just fine.
A new stage in the life of the child begins at 2-3 years of
age. It can start talking, so that what previously could perhaps be brushed
aside as a joke can no longer be simply explained away, now that
the child can communicate, even though not fully understanding
what the words mean.
Children
around this age are preoccupied with the difference between
boys and girls, while studing the opposite and same
sex, followed by questions to the adults as to why Peter has
a penis and I do
not. Here it is useless to say: "This you are too young
to understand." To fall into the other extreme and give
a long objective account, that the child
is incapable of understanding, is just as reprehensible. Children
at
this age
are mostly satisfied
with a short answer and no
particular elaboration,
except that there are boys
and girls, boys have a penis and girls don´t. |
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28 English
translation:
Furthermore, ask the child. Depending on the nature of the
questions, try to find answers that satisfy the child in a simpl way without lying or telling make believe wives tales.
This age group is also keenly interested in everything parents do, and would like to help wherever they
can. To go anywhere in the house and see how
mother washes dishes or cleans up, is a true delight.
Todlers follow on the heels of the adults and will therefore wonder
even more if one excludes them from going together to the toilet, than if
one quite naturally lets them stand and watch.
If it is the father and daughter, she gets on this occasion the opportunity to
see that father, a man, has a penis like her play friend Peter in the same
street. Perhaps she asks: "Why
do you have hair around your penis?" Then you have a natural opportunity to explain
that that´s what adult mænd have, and when Peter becomes an
adult, he
also will get hair there. At the same time she might ask
if also she will get hair there, and then you can tell her
that mother has hair there, and of course she too will get
it,
when she grows up. If she then asks, if she´ll also get a penis when she grows
up,
then you have to explain that boys are called men when they are
adults, and that one is born with a penis when you are a
boy, and
that you have when you are |
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30: English
translation:
an
adult, and the opposite is the case with girls. They are born without
a penis and don´t get one, when they grow up, which is precisely why
they are called boys and girls, because of this difference.
The
Child-Lover problem can also be reduced significantly in
cases where the children are unfamiliar with their father's
genitals. The behavior
an "ugly man" evokes by flashing his genitals in front of little girls and
boys,
usually making them scream, is due to more or less home
spun, hair-raising stories of such men.
Firstly, the number of crimes commited against children are vanishingly small compared to the number of children who
become
traffic victims in one year. Secondly, there are two types of
child luring. There are those who only flash genitals,
exhibitionists. These are
the most common, and they are absolutely harmless, since they never
overpower children. The second type of sexual offender, who commits offenses against young girls and
boys, is
the one we have to warn against. The latter category is, as mentioned
before, vanishingly small in numbers compared to the
number of traffic victims - one doesn´t indstill fear of traffic
to the extent that children don´t dare walk the streets. Of course you can explain to your children that there are some men
who, under the pretext of showing them puppies or similar exciting
things, will actually try to
insert their penis into either the rectum or vagina, which will hurt
them, and therefore
they should avoid going with
strangers.
If a girl or boy, has seen a father urinate or seen him in the morning when
his penis, |
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English
translation
of page 32::
as
is the case with many men, is erect, and maybe enjoyed
touching it, then it's not as exciting or frightening as if they were
exposed to a stranger who shows up in a park and asks if they
want to see or touch his penis. He´ll probably be
rejected with a comment like, "Aah, I´ve seen that." A naked
father, who´s playing with his little boy or girl, can very easily get an erection if
the children touch his scrotum, or penis. This is nothing
to worry about, since any excitation of the genitals can cause an
erection,
whether or
not the stimulus stems from the mand himself, his wife or
from his children. An erection is mainly physiologically
conditioned. Succinctly stated, this means that the nerves in the penis and scrotum
that are affected, send signals to the brain, which in
turn demands an erection. Thus, a father has utterly
no reason whatsoever to feel guilty, if the children's small hands
tickling induces erection, nor does he need to hide the erection
from the children. If the children start asking questions, then the father
has an opportunity to explain the mechanism of an erection.
A mother can also experience pleasure if the child tickles her
erogenous zones. For example, her stomach, breasts or back. |
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33 Portrait and Danish text:
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33 English translation: When the children have the opportunity to see the parents and thus the gender
difference, they are not unnaturally engaged in exploring this
any more than the duck, they have in the bath tub, because
it is equally important that the father or mother can play with
the duck, soap it and rinse it after bathing. There may also be funny situations in the home where children are comfortable with
nudity. We heard about a little girl of three years, who had invited
her friends home, to see her father's penis, but here the
father, much to the disappointment of
his daughter,
had to refer the children to their fathers. Not because he wouldn´t show |
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34 pdf.
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text
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34 English
translation:
the
kids his penis, but because he didn´t know the parents of the
children concerned and their views on such matters. There are indications of course
that this was a sensation for these children.
Children who never have the opportunity to see their parents
naked,
are no less curious, who simply try some other way to get their curiosity
satisfied, and it's sad that some
can only get this craving satisfied by a statue or, as above
mentioned, have to try whether other fathers or mothers are more willing to show themselves
naked.
Siblings and playmates are a popular objects to study. This is very
natural, since children speak the same language, so whether their parents are
sympathetic or not,
for each age there are a few things to be explored - either by
looking, touching or smelling. |
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36 Portrait and Danish text:
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36 English
translation: For
a child of 3 years, it is perhaps enough to see and touch,
whereas for the 5-6 years, it must include smelling.
Furthermore,
children have various games of a sexual nature, such as
father, mother and children, or they play doctor and
nurse. In these Games they have the opportunity to undress
each other and see gender differences.
Recently we spoke with some acquaintances whose boy was
very familiar with seeing both parents and siblings
without clothes and with his siblings have been allowed to
satisfy his curiosity, concerning genitals, in any way
whatsoever. One day he had a little girl home, and they
played father and mother, which no one prevented them
doing. |
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37 pdf. file - click here
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37 English
translation: They
lay alternately on top of each other, and the same game
repeated itself in the girl's home and for some time
afterwards,
but then parents intervened. They apologized to his
parents their reaction. They said frankly that they felt
that, in their opinion, it was right to play father
and mother, but their own prejudices stood in the way.
After this incident they tried to catch themselves
intervening when the boy was paying them a visit, because
they now realized that it was in fact harmless.
Kindergarten age from 3-6 years is
again a problem, since many of the institution´s staff
prevent child sex play, child exploration of each others
bodies or the use of words like pee, shit, penis, pussy, etc.
In our opinion it is reprehensible to prohibit kindergarten
children pulling each others pants down when all they want
to do is to smell each others buts and have fun doing it . No one thinks it´s repugnant
when kids sniff each others backs, so why shouldn´t they
be allowed to snif their bottoms?
Here
we have adults, who unconsciously identify with the child,
and because of a prohibition in childhood, have
incorporated disgust towards child body inquisitiveness into his/her personality. No matter what
kind of upbringing we´re talking about, one must be careful
as to what one bans, and why. For children none of the
above mentioned is disgusting, for the simple reason that they
maintain a natural distance to what they don´t like,
while learning from the adults to think of certain parts of the body
as ergh.
A
boy plays jet pilot with a soapbox plane, and his little
friend comes by and asks if she can get a ride in the
plane. The boy takes her on board, but in the middle of
the trip the little girl asks to be let off, because she
has to pee. The plane will be stopped, and the girl
says, "you can try to touch it," which he tries
with a finger, but when she finally offers the boy to
snif, he hurries to say, "yes, but I'm not a |
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38 Portrait and Danish text:
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38 English
translation:
real
pilot."
Boys urinate many times crossing beams or compete who can pee the farthest.
Furthermore,
they even measure the length of their penises. We think it
would be nice if the boys could say to their parents: .."We have measured
penises, mine was 4 cm and Hans' was 5
cm" - and the parents then replied just as relaxed as
if the child had talked about racing at the skate park.
Children expect only that you care about what they do,
they don´t expect you to comment on everything they say, which we believe many
parents are too prone to do.
The children
are oblivious to a stranger, in this case, the
photographer, acting as if they are alone in the bathroom. The second
picture, by contrast, expresses the boy feels watched by a
stranger,
thus concealing his genitals with the washcloth. The reason for this isn´t that the children
don´t come from homes where nudity is natural, but rather
that negative influence comes from outside the home. |
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39 pdf. file - click here
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39 Portrait and Danish text:
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39 English
translation: By
external influence, we mean playmates from the street or from the
kindergarten, who come from homes where nudity is not a natural
thing. These children
are often inclined to tease children with a natural
attitude, so they become increasingly shy when naked, because the group
with a natural attitude toward nudity and sex, is still
a minority. |
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40 pdf.
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40 Portrait and Danish text:
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40 English
translation: Children as well as
adults, do not like to feel they stand
out in a group. You obviously don´t force children to be naked
amidst strangers at times when they, due to some negative remark from children or adults
outside the group, don´t want to be left completey
without clothes.
In sex play children don´t distinguish between siblings
and other children they play with. Often, a sister or brother
will be preferred, since they spend more time with siblings in the home than with
other playmates. Sex play usually includes mutual |
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41 pdf. file - click here
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41 Portrait and Danish text:
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41 English
translation: touching of the genitals or a direct attempt
at intercourse, however, very rarely with attempts to
insert the penis into the vagina. As a rule, its more
about bouncing around on top of each other. Either with or without clothes
on. In societies where children can freely express themselves in sexual
play, it has been found that these children´s sexual activity as adults
is significantly greater than in societies where sexual play has been
"naughty" and/or banned.
You can completely avoid telling your children the least about sexual
life, yes, you can even
most stringently prohibit them under any circumstances
whatsoever in engaging in sex play. But you can not completely suppress children's sexual
activity. They will
find ways to experiment. For instance, children will use nails
as sticks lacking proper instruments, when playing
doctor. Here parents can remedy instrument
shortage by giving them a play doctor set. Furthermore, at the pharmacy you can buy
fingerstalls so children without harm or injury can explore an anus with
a fingerstall like a real doctor. |
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42 pdf. file Danish text
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42 English
translation: Some of our friends had left their 4-year-old boy to the man's
parents, while
they were on vacation. When they came home from the
holidays,
they asked how the boy had been getting on during their absence. The grandfather replied that he had behaved
well, except that he, every evening,
had been obliged to ask the boy to keep his hands on top of the covers. Great was his grandfather's astonishment when
the boy´s parents explained that Henrik was in a phase where he masturbated
in the evening before falling asleep, and that they were fully aware of
it.
We have
an example of a less fortunate
kid from a kindergarten teacher. In this case, the boy was 5 years and had
been strict orders by the mother not to touch his genitals. The result was
that he played with his genitals everywhere outside the
home.
It turned out to be such an obsession that the boy was only concerned with
his genitals completely forgetting play. The kindergarten referred the boy to
a psychologist, and partly through conversations with the boy and by interviewing the mother
the boy's sexual interests were brought into relaxed
behavioural patterns again. It must be better to prevent than
to cure.
As humans, we are members of a community, and through our upbringing, we have become accustomed to live under the conditions that our cultural
pattern,
and enacted laws set for us. In particular, our sex life
is greatly influenced by the standards of the community, we are born
into,
have set up in the sexual realm.
Most
mothers and fathers in Denmark caress each other only when they are in bed. We believe that parents can show their children that they have a love
life, by caressing each other
any time of the day, so as to give children the certainty
that parents have feelings for each other. Caressing should not |
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43 pdf. file - click here
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43 Portrait and Danish text:
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43 English
translation: just be
limited to sexual intercourse. As long as the children are very
young, jealousy
can come into play. The fact that the adults deal with each
other, instead of
the child, may cause the child to try to attract attention and thereby interrupt
the supreme moment. But if the child is busy playing, it will only be a question of whether it bothers the
parents,
if the child is present.
For Children around the age of 3
intercourse may be perceived as violence. Of course it´s important to explain to the child that it is not a fight, but an expression of love.
It can be difficult to explain intercourse itself for children
at this age, but use words they know, such as this is play, the adults
are playing.
There are communities where children can´t avoid seeing
intercourse, but as far as we can see from the sexual reports from these communities
the children don´t suffer any harm whatsoever - |
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44 pdf. file - click here
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44 portrait and Danish text:
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44 English
translation: - on the
contrary,
it is easier for them to evolve into becoming good sexual partners.
A married couple, we know, let their three children have unfettered access to everything in the house, including the
bedroom. From the
time the children were born, they have had the opportunity to
be present as often as they wished while their parents'
had intercourse. One day
their 5 year old son crept up on the back of his father. He laughed and
cheered. Afterwards he said: "Daddy, one more time." |
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More great
literature
In English and Danish:
Crime
without victims -
click here
Introduction by Danish professor Dr. med., sexologist
Preben Hertoft : Paedophiles Don't Hurt Children
In Danish:
Forbrydelse
uden offer
-
klik her
En bog om
pædofili
Redaktion:
Forfatterkollektivet Trobrianderne, 1986, Tiderne Skifter
----------------------------------------------------------------------
In Danish:
Fra
Incest til Medie-hetz
- klik her
- af forfatter Troels Peter Schmidt uddannet
antipædagog ved Ballerup Fritidspædagog Seminarium
----------------------------------------------------------------------
In Danish:
hele og Frie Børn
- klik her:
af Troels Peter
Schmidt - forfatternavn Jørgen Rasmussen - uddannet antipædagog
Læs også gerne papir-udgaven af hele og FRIE børn, som
kan lånes gratis på Det Kgl. og Folkebibliotekerne. Du
kan også læse hele og FRIE børn lige nu - klik her:
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